Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
