You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
