So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
