I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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