non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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