We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
