Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
