So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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