I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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