Will you blow on my dice?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
