Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
