I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
