Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
