Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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