I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
