i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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