Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
