The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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