apparently the secret to your success is patron
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
