Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
