Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
