When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize