i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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