You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize