My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize