I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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