Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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