I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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