This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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