I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
