i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
