The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
