I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
