On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
