college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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