this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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