I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
