How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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