his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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