What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
