My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Randomize
