she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
