How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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