He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
