There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize