I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
