I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
