I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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