I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well you can't waste a boner
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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