Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
