So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
