everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
