what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
