Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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