hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
