How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize