So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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