I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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