It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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