You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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