Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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