if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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