Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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