A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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