My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
