can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize