He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
