That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
