she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
