Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
