i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize