Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
