A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
