last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sober January is a disaster.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
