Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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