That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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