im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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