Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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