i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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