I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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