Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
